Chapter Text
“I’ll be back quick,” Cori chirped, pulling the heavy door shut behind me, leaving me alone in my room… the ideal.
I sighed quietly, letting my head fall back as I began meandering toward my nest. Dirty clothes and bits of disassembled tech scattered around my feet. Yes, I was a slob, but this was the only place I was allowed to be, this was my space, and I was going to do with it as I pleased. A little groan was all I managed as I laid back on the small mountain of bundled blankets and bolts of cloth, rolling back into my little crater, curling up tightly. Today had been too much too quickly, I just needed to recharge for a little while. My hand went searching as I let my eyes close, fingers wrapping around the slim neck of my Shawzin.
I dragged the Instrument from it’s perch atop the highest peak of my nest, rolling onto my back and kicking my feet up. It was a gift from Dagath before she left and never returned, my last little connection with her. Something to dull the pain of her abandonment. I strummed a chord, feeling the vibrations roll through my concave gut. I hoped she was doing alright…
She promised me she’d come back. It had been a year. But, gods damn it all, I was gonna hold her to that promise.
I plucked a note, then another, letting my mind drift away as I hummed that familiar tune, the one I’d died to the first time around. “Tears in Juran never fall,” I whispered as I finally drifted off to sleep.
I hoped beyond all hopes that Joy was waiting for me there when it was my time. I hoped that we could be happy together, share the moments I wished we could have when she was alive. My nose wrinkled as the stink of the Void saturated the air, followed by something that distinctly smelled like hot garbage.
Then the sound hit.
My eyes snapped open to a brick wall, its red face covered in primitive drawings. The roar of engines around me was unbearable, the sounds of sharp honks, the shouts of so many people. I pinched the Shawzin to my chest as I covered my ears. Steam blew from my mouth as my rolling eyes finally gained proper focus. I was above ground, between two buildings, laying in a pile of filth.
I began hyperventilating as the crushing weight of confusion enveloped my mind. Where in the nine hells was I!? My fingers wrapped about a handle that jutted from the side of the large metal dumpster I was sat against, hauling myself to my feet. I froze as I stared out seeing people walking past the opening of the alleyway, there was a street out there, that’s where the noise was… I knew for a fact that I didn't want to go out there, not while I was safe where I was.
My bare feet slapped against the icy ground as I ran deeper down the alley, hunkering down in the darkest corner I could find. If this was a dream, then I was just gonna wait it out. No dream lasts forever.
Kneeling down, I rested the Shawzin on my lap, trying to get my breathing under control. I squeezed my eyes shut, grimacing as the echoing sounds of the street beyond bounced from the brick wall beside me. This place was truly dreadful… but at least I could make my own sounds to offset the panic that was rising in my gut.
I struck that chord again, the sound of my Shawzin ringing out, batting back the roar of my dream. I struck another and another, playing that familiar tune, hoping desperately that it would calm me down, that it would bring this dream to an abrupt end when I finished the melody.
It didn't end.
I repeated the song, whispering the lyrics as my hope dwindled further and further. Eventually I struck a sour note, letting my head fall, tears spattering across my thighs. I was stuck here, wasn’t I?
“What in the nine hells are you doing here!?” someone squawked, making me squeal.
My eyes shot open, landing on a weirdly familiar face. Ariadne… Qinoha… Coriola’s aunt. I had so many questions, hundreds, thousands, millions even. But I couldn’t form any of them into something that made sense… all I could do was pathetically whisper:
“Help.”
She stared at me blankly, sipping something. “Alright… My boss is gonna rip me a new one for bringing my niece to work though.”
I wasn’t able to properly form a coherent sentence as she shrugged off her coat, tossing it to me. I pulled it on, not really feeling any better. She held up a finger as she chugged the thick brightly colored slurry in her overlarge cup. She lifted the lid of a nearby dumpster, tugging some cord from it. She groaned quietly as she knelt down, holding out her hand, asking silently for my Shawzin.
I handed it over wordlessly.
“Really damn lucky I heard you, I thought I was hallucinating,” she whispered, “Smiles From Juran isn’t the sorta thing one normally hears round these parts.” She tied the cord around the neck of the Shawzin, fashioning a rough strap. She gave me a weak smile. “I’d never have forgiven myself if I’d missed you.”
“Why?” I asked. “Any why’d you call me niece?”
Her eyelashes fluttered as she blinked rapidly. “Yer gramma had many kids, Adara, turns out my sh*thead mom was your sh*thead dad’s sister…” she sniffed. “And besides, I look too old to be your cousin, y’know. Approaching middle age, the ripe young age of eleven-hundred-fifty… and you look seven…”
I pouted, squeaking loudly as she lifted me up. “Why wouldn't you have forgiven yourself?” I asked, flinching as she carried me toward the street, the sound of it making my ears ring. “So loud…”
“Front left pocket, there should be some earplugs. They got some gold on ‘em, but your ears won't hurt at least.” She paused as I fished around in her pockets, finding lots of… stuff. Eventually a pair of orange foam domes, dotted with earwax, were rolling on my hand. I jammed them down my ears, the sound cutting out sharply, leaving me alone with nothing but the sounds of my own breathing and the low rumble of her steps.
I couldn't hear her though… which meant I wouldn't get an answer to my question. I could wait, this was her domain after all. She ruffled my hair, hefting me slightly as we emerged onto the street.
It was surreal, seeing it all, but not really being able to hear it. People, there were so many people, all wearing different clothes, with different hair, different faces, expressions… I’d forgotten that so many people could exist. It was as they started clearing a path around Qinoha and I that I began to feel their stares. She ruffled my hair again, carefully reaching into the pocket of the coat, pulling out a shiny foil package. I could at least recognize that.
Carefully I opened the package, brow furrowing as I saw what was inside. Some sort of flat pastry with a brightly colored coating on one side. I carefully pulled one out, staring at the unassuming rectangle. Qin laughed as I took a bite, my eyes widening as the taste of the sweet pastry filled my mouth. The first one vanished quickly, the other one not far behind. But… I frowned, breaking off a good sized piece of the pastry, holding it up for her, it was only right.
She said something I couldn't hear, breaking off a small portion of what I offered her, leaving the rest to me.
Was this really the same woman I’d met before? She… I couldn't think about it, I just focused on the food and ignoring all the stares we were getting. I wadded up the foil packaging, stuffing it back into one of the coat’s many pockets, feeling something squishy meet my hand. I pulled out a slip of thick patterned fabric. It looked like a hat… so it was a hat.
It went down almost to my eyes, covering my ears completely… it was almost like a blindfold… and so it was. At least I couldn't see people staring anymore.
Unfortunately my sanctuary would be disrupted.
Light flooded into my eyes as Qin flipped up the lip of the hat, leaning over so she could set me down. She knelt down in front of me, she was speaking, I think, well, her mouth was moving. Oh yeah, I head earplugs in. I squinted as I pulled the was of foam from my good ear, cringing as I saw a coating of blackish gunk clinging to it.
“Heh, you can keep ‘em,” Qin chuckled, “I got spares.” She began rifling through the breast pockets of the coat, which were resting near my stomach.
“Why is everybody staring at us?” I asked, noticing that our breath wasn’t coming out in clouds like everyone else that was passing us by.
“Probably cuz we look homeless,” she muttered, “the worst they do is stare though. Gah… why’d they raise the cost?” she looked up at a strange looking device that was planted by the curb. “Thirty-five cents… c’mon guys, what happened to just using a quarter, eh?” She fluttered her lips, pulling a handful of metal coins from the right breast pocket.
“Do you have a home?” I asked, sniffing as my nose started to run.
“I do,” she whispered, counting the coins out, “and a job… Cass is gonna kill me.” She cleared her throat, “keep a hold of my pants,” she ordered, “I wanna be sure you’re with me at all times. I still got no clue why you’re here… but I’m sure the old man’ll have a few guesses, if it isn’t his fault in the first place.”
She dropped two coins into a narrow slot, pulling a receiver free from the face of the device. It seemed to be a primitive communications panel. Murmuring quietly, she pressed a series of numbers into a small pad and waited.
“Hey, Cass,” there was a smile in her voice, even though she looked completely dead inside. She paused, listening to the person on the other side. “No, I got a good reason for it this time… can you and Bill manage without me today? I just picked up something very time consuming.” She blinked, “No… not a drug habit… Cass, I passed the urine test… It’s my niece… yeah.” She looked down at me. “Yeah, Leona has a kid… She was put up in a Borstal school, behavioral issues after she got in a car crash… Drunk driver, I’d rather not talk about it. No, Cass… lose a kid yourself and see how open you wanna be about it. Gimme the day, I need to get her back to her mother.” She slammed the headset back against the terminal, looking grim. “I can't believe I just did that,” she whispered, looking down at me.
I looked up at her, meeting her gaze. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Not worth worrying about right now,” she slotted more coins into the terminal, picking up the receiver, inputting a different series of numbers. “Hopefully Leona’s at home, she has the transit pass.” She began tapping her foot, eyes widening. “Hey, Leona, we got a bit of a conundrum… Yeah… well… I found Adara… yes, the adorable ghoul-child.”
I hissed slightly at her description of me.
“She just hissed at me…” she giggled, “Yeah, I can see why too… I called in work, we need you to pick us up at the subway. Yeah… yeah… we’ll talk with Albrecht about it. No, I don't think it’s Gates, probably something similar though, we don't need free travel between here and there.” She nodded, swaying from side to side as Leona continued talking on the other end of the line. “Yeah, if anyone asks she’s your behaviorally challenged niece, car crash, drunk driver. Cool, we’ll be waiting for ya.” She rested the receiver back in its cradle. “Alrighty, to the subway… it’s gonna be a lot warmer down there.”
“But I’m not cold,” I shrugged, flinching as a loud vehicle sped past.
“Yeah, I know,” she crouched down, picking me back up, “But it’s gonna be more comfy than standing barefoot on the street, believe you me.”
“OK,” I murmured, sniffing again. “So, this isn’t a dream then?” I hazarded.
“Nope, reality… I got a few ideas about how you managed to show up here, but they’re all a bit far fetched.”
I looked up at her, scrunching my face up as a reflection beamed from one of the tall buildings on the other side of the street and whacked me in the face. She chuckled quietly, adjusting her hold on me. The answer as to why was swift in coming. I jumped as she took a step down, then another. Looking around it seemed we were descending into some sort of tile lined tunnel, the bitter daylight replaced with an antiseptic blue glow. Honestly it was more comforting.
“Alrighty,” she whispered, “We just gotta wait for Leona to get here, hopefully the trains are on time today.”
“Trains?” I asked.
“You’ll see,” she smirked, eyes looking up at a board comprised of multiple square displays, face falling slightly. “Damn, gonna be another ten minutes then.” She groaned quietly as we finally reached the bottom of the stairs, the bitter cold replaced with a swampy heat, the warmth of too many bodies in too small a space. “Lessee if we can find a place to sit.”
“I’ll stare at them until they move,” I whispered, “People get uneasy when I stare at them.”
“Can’t imagine why,” she said jokingly, “The amount of concentrated Void energy you have in you right now… I’m glad I’m already buzzed with it, otherwise I’d probably start turning again.”
“It keeps me alive,” I said stubbornly as she began fording through the wall of packed bodies, making for the rearmost portion of the station. It seemed people were crowding more toward the center of the echoing space, on the other side of a line of turnstiles. “Regor says it’s the only thing keeping my mind together.”
“Probably,” she sighed, “Basically you’re a self-fulfilling concept. You know you exist therefore you exist. Same thing here with me and Leona. It’s probably not too much of a stretch to think you got swept up in the same strand that carries us here…” she paused. “See those two, on the bench… Turquoise coat with the book and the guy with the silly looking pants.”
I nodded, “Want me to make them go away?”
“If you could… My legs are getting tired in all honesty, and I don't want you to walk barefoot on these floors.”
“Fair… they look like they carry many diseases.” I turned my eyes to the pair, they looked like a couple based on how close they were sitting. I sniffed again, wiping at my nose, seeing clear mucous smeared across the sleeve of the jacket. “Why isn’t it silver?” I asked aloud.
“We’re trying to figure that one out too,” she muttered, “I’m just chalkin’ it up to us not actually being real.”
“Fun how that works,” I murmured, staring back at the pair, watching the girl snap her book shut after a few moments, a look of confusion falling across her face. She brushed a few locks of stringy black hair from in front of her face, looking around the room. I suppose there was something in my stare then, since she went pale upon locking eyes with me. I tried for a smile, quickly looking away. “They’re getting up,” I whispered, seeing them stand in my periphery.
Qin threw a glance back, turning to go claim the bench. “Lovely…” she groaned, setting me down, shrugging the Shawzin from over her shoulder and resting it in my lap.
“Do I really look that hideous?” I asked, looking up at her as she stretched.
“You look rough,” she replied bluntly, “Lots of scarring, white hair, just very pale in general, people probably think you have Albinism.” She pouted slightly, sitting beside me, ruffling my hair. “Your smile’s nice though.”
I nodded, staring out across the cluttered mass of humanity, once again shocked at how different they all looked from each other. “Regor grew me new teeth, the ones I had finally… needed to go. Why are you being so nice to me?” I looked over as I heard a deep rumbling coming from the floor. “We’ve only ever spoken twice.”
She lifted an eyebrow, breath beginning to blow out in near transparent clouds. “Do you really want me to answer that honestly?”
“Yes.”
“You were close with Joy. You were her friend, and she was yours. I trust you implicitly by that fact alone. What kinda person am I to mistreat someone I trust?” She smiled sadly, watching a large vehicle come storming into the room.
My eyes widened upon seeing the train… it finally clicked in my mind. “Oh… It’s so pretty,” I whispered, blinking furiously as I scanned the hard industrial lines of the nearest carriage, the dull paint and corrugated metal only serving to make it all the more fascinating.
“Two more to go before it’s ours, then you’ll be able to sit in one.”
I looked up at her, eyes as wide as they could go, flinching as she rested a hand on my head. “I’m not an armrest,” I muttered.
“But you make such a nice one though,” she grinned, watching people get on and off the carriages. “Oop, there she is…” she whispered.
“Who?” I asked, “Leona?”
“No…” she sighed, “My coworker… Damn she’s fast.”
My eyes locked onto a woman, probably the woman Qin was referring to, since she was staring straight back at us. Her hair was absolutely fascinating. Teal bangs… I gave her a small wave as a look of confusion flashed across her face. Slowly she managed to pick her way across the platform, pushing her way through the turnstiles, taking great care not to even brush against anyone. I noted her eyes darting down to stare at my Shawzin every so often.
Qin nudged me, whispering, “Watch out, she’ll talk music at you until your ears fall off if you let her.”
I finally ripped my eyes away from the strange woman, looking up at Qin. “My ears haven’t fallen off for over a month, Regor managed to fix the connective tissue.”
She gave me the most deadpan look she could muster. “I have no clue if you’re kidding or not.”
“I may be a kid, but I never kid,” I whispered, fully aware that I was kidding in that moment… It had been last week that Regor fixed my ears. I jammed my hands in the jacket’s pockets as the woman finally drew up to us. All I could really do was blink as she looked between Qin and myself.
“Well… looks like I owe Cass ten bucks,” she huffed, voice surprisingly husky. She lifted an eyebrow as Qin snickered, giving me another nudge.
“I don’t kid about family, Aoi,” she said nonchalantly, “And only ten bucks? I woulda thought you’d have bet an entire shift on something like that,” she stuck her tongue out.
“Rent…” was all she said by way of an explanation. Her eyes turned back toward my Shawzin. “So, wha-…” she was cut off as I pulled another foil package from the jacket pocket, holding it out to her.
“Oi, those are mine,” Qin squeaked, trying to snatch the rations away, Aoi was quicker.
“Always eating, Qin,” she scolded.
“And yet somehow I’m always losing weight,” she grumbled, averting her eyes as Aoi tore open the package.
“Here, you take one, I’ll take the other, eh?” she held out one of the pastries to me. I gladly took it, my fingers brushing hers, she was surprisingly warm. She gave me what looked to be a genuine smile, not the forced one she was giving Qin at all times. “I’ll talk with you later,” she sighed, taking a bite, “Cass is already beside herself and I don’t wanna make her any more stressed.”
“Are you sure she’s a librarian on the side?” Qin asked, leaning forward as another train pulled in. “She’s probably one of the loudest people I know.”
“No better place to vent,” Aoi said with a shrug, “fill me in later, eh? And give your sister a slap for me, letting her kid go running like that.”
“Without shoes too!” Qin yelled as Aoi went running toward the stairs. She let her head rest against the tiled wall as she let out a tired whine. “Me Pop Tarts,” she whimpered, leaning over to rip a third foil package from an inside pocket, how much was she hiding in this coat? “Not letting you steal the rest of my snack,” she huffed, tearing into the pastries while I slowly nibbled on mine.
We watched the people and the trains until Leona finally arrived. It was nice, genuinely. I wish I could have brought Coriola and Joy with me… I know they would’ve had a nice time too.
